Sat 19 Dec 2009
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IMDB rating: 6.40 Plot: Ray Elliot helps people cheat on their spouses by arranging iron-clad alibis for a price. About the time he hires a new assistant, Lola, he learns there’s a $5 million contract out on Jack McAdam, his former partner; and, his first and longest-running client wants him to set up a weekend for his son, who’s about to marry. When the son’s illicit tryst goes terribly awry, Ray has more than his share of problems: police, a jealous boyfriend, angry clients, a polygamist hitman, a coroner’s assistant, and various wives converge to put Ray in danger. Can Lola be trusted? What about human nature? |
Actors: Coogan Steve,Marsden James,Drama,ComedyRomance,
Nanny Grace Show Finale – Would you c/c?
(20 years have passed; the Mayans were wrong about that 2012 thing, so people make fun of them and long ago ruined their ruins. Nanny Grace is nearing 70 but refuses to retire until she’s sold another of one of her books, "The Eleven Victims." Crazy Anthony is about to got to trial.)
Nanny – Will Crazy Anthony get the laser needle after the trial? CLAM SHELL! The trial scheduled to begin this week has been delayed due to another continuance! Let me check (mumble, mumble) the figures here: that makes the…RONNIE!
Ronnie – Yes, Nanny?
Nanny – How many continuences has Crazy had?
Ronnie – This would be her third, Nanny.
Nanny – AAAANNND?
Ronnie – Oh! That would be her third, Nanny, mother of the most beautiful twins ever and author of the book, "The Eleven Victims"!
Nanny – And, Dear?
Ronnie – Sorry. LILLY! Start the slide show! (Pictures of Jack David shaving, taking a shower, taking a leak, drinking a boiler-maker, taking another leak; pictures of Little Loosey with her personal psychologist, Little Loosey attending her first 12-step program, Little Loosey being a little loose.)
Nanny, you have a call! It’s Bernice from Twin Peaks, Montana.
Nanny – What a coincidence! I am the mother of twins. Everyone says they are the most beautiful twins in the world. What’s your question, Dear?
Bernice – Nanny, first I want to gush all over your twins so I’ll be on tv longer and tell you I’m going to buy your book, "The Eleven Victims."
Nanny – Thank you, Friend. What’s your question, Dear?
Bernice – Would you mind showing a picture of the most beautiful place ever – my own Twin Peaks?
And tell the twins when they’re out of rehab to come visit for Twins Day!
Nanny – Thank you, Friend.
Ronnie – Nanny, I have something to announce.
Nanny – What is it, Friend?
Ronnie – I’m leaving the show.
Nanny – Whaaat show?
Ronnie – Sorry, Nanny. I’m leaving The Nanny Grace Show featuring Nanny Grace, mother of the most beautiful twins ever born and author of "The Eleven Victims," which is available at the studio and at a vast storage building on Crime Doesn’t Pay Blvd.
Nanny – Honestly, Ronnie, I don’t know how you can be so forgetful. But where are you going?
Ronnie – I’m going to work for the Hewlett-Packard industry. There was just something about the initials ‘HP’ that drew me, Nanny. And frankly, I’m a little tired of Jack David pinching my backside.
We have to go back to The Poe House now, Nanny. Lovechild is interviewing the poets regarding the stand-off. (The poets are still gathered outside, still pointing at the building where Giggles slash Sandy is holed up and still refusing to name the killer.)
Lovechild – Hello, Nanny! The twins are beautiful, by the way.
Nanny – Thank you, Lovechild, thank you. So what’s happening at The Poe House? This has been history’s longest stand-off ever, Friends, and we all want answers!
Lovechild – As you can see behind me, Nanny, the crowd has thinned a bit over the last two decades but we still have a few tenacious poets awaiting Giggles’ announcement. Who tried to kill Ian all those years ago? Which poet was it? WAIT, Nanny! The door! It’s opening! (In the doorway is poet/author Giggles slash Sandy. The crowd cheers then falls silent. They have waited twenty years for the answer. Who did it? Wagers have been made; most think it was Hiram, some think it was Ma, but we’re finally going to hear the truth!)
Giggles slash Sandy – I have studied on this question all these years – everyone of you was a suspect, even myself, even Nanny Grace and Kirby and Lovechild and all the bluesies, even Angus who is known to be a stalker, even Debra and Cassie and Jellz and Civil and ttt5! Crazy fu and the girl with the pink hair who has so many questions, but everyone had an alibi – even though I made them up. But I just couldn’t send any of you to prison, soooo, I had no other choice. The guilty one, the one who tired to kill Ian? It was his little gnome. It wasn’t a gnome sweet gnome to him.
Lovechild – Then what you’re saying, Giggles slash Sandy?
Giggles slash Sandy – Yep, the butler did it.
EDIT: The Nanny Grace Show was canceled due to her refusal to retire, although she still comes to the studio each night and speaks into a non-functioning camera. Nanny hollars for Kirby, Lovechild, Ronnie and all the producers who worked for her over the years and does not seem to notice none of them respond. Jack David moved in with a gal named Cassie who does not judge him, and Little Loosey found a home with some dude named Happy Hiram. The twins have destroyed all of thei childhood photos and have found happiness with people who’ve never heard of their mother. Ronnie did not just find the job of dreams with Hewlett-Packard but also the man of her dreams. They went on a honeymoon 19 years ago and have not returned, even to open their gifts. They do send the occasional postcard to Buk to affirm they are alive and well. GIiggles slash Sandy finished her mystery and is now making the rounds of book-signings all over the free world.
For his crime of attempted murder of his master, Ian, the gnome-like butler called ‘Sparkey’ received one day’s house arrest at Buks where he was forced to clean up three truck-loads of whiskey bottles. There was no time to clean up the remainder. When his time was done, he climbed into the waiting limo and was taken to Yidiot’s Coffee House and Bait Shop – now a hugely successful franchise. The poets had decorated the banquet room for a fete for Sparkey. Lola, who’d had extensive dental work done earlier in the day, was chief of the decorating committee. Thus it was that the hall was decorated with…
(Lola screaming at the decorators, "NO! Not THOSE pants; those…..") why, with utter pants, of course.
Poor Ian, one of these days I’m gonna stop teasing you… Luv, BG
OMFG, I should have pissed before I read this….!!
P!nk Hair Female Aviator | Nov 20, 2009
CLAP…CLAP…CLAP………I knew it was the butler, but was it in the library?…with a candelabra???
oh how we hang on to know…!!!…!!!
*and a follow up on how Ronnie made out with her move to the "hp industry"*
EDIT: I Love HP endings
…hp… | Nov 20, 2009
LMBO! You are a stitch! You have her down so good. That woman drives me nuts.
